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Post by firecracker on Aug 30, 2006 1:15:48 GMT -5
Normally, I wouldn't come to this "Ask Hadley!" thing, but I want to hear an outsider's perspective on what I've already gathered.
(I'm too lazy to type it all out again, so I'm more or less copying-and-pasting my LiveJournal entry on the subject)
My relationship with Christine confuses me. I get mad at her for belittling me, then I rip on her in my journal, yet I always get yanked right back to her like static cling. I'm not saying I'M clingy, it's just that I always find reasons to look past our problems, while never resolving them. I'm starting to wonder if maybe we're just too much alike. I've heard that in most cases, when two people are too much alike, they'll find more to argue about and constantly butt heads. In a way, Christine is my mirror. She's a very headstrong, competitive, smart person (despite her IMs), as am I. If two people are both stubborn and competitive, then of course their arguments will be fierce and end up inevitably unresolved, which is ultimately like arguing with a mirror, or one's self.
All this raises further speculation: if I resent Christine for acting in a way that prompts recognition of similarities in our personalities, what does that say about my own feelings toward myself? Is this a deeper, more subliminal self-loathing? More importantly, why do I resent myself?
I need advice! Feel free to expand on my analysis.
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Post by 2tone on Aug 30, 2006 1:28:25 GMT -5
Hey, I go threw the same thing with my best friend she and I are both stubborn and we both say our peace about each other. I know she is made comments about me and I have of her behind each others back. But we have gone threw so much to throw away 5 yrs of stuff just on a personality clash. I love her I respect her for all the things she has done for me she was the first person I told I was gay to. There are days where I could put a pillow over her face and watch her gasp for air, lol but then there’s days id do that to my self if anything happened to her. So I guess im saying im sure ur friend doesn’t mean bad things at least u have that one friend to keep you on your toes. I doubt this helped but I tried to word it half asleep as good as I could.
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Post by Insanity on Aug 30, 2006 1:41:29 GMT -5
Firecracker, I feel bad for pushing you thread down with the reply in my thread, so this is just a 'bump' to make sure yours is on top
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Post by firecracker on Aug 30, 2006 1:45:32 GMT -5
Insanity - Thank you!
2tone - Though thoroughly typoed and grammatically incorrect, your comparison is precise. My friend and I both slam eachother and I want to punch her from time to time, but at the end of the day, I'm grateful that we're friends, because I can usually go to her for help and vice versa. I just wish that I could be my own crutch when I need it.
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Post by 2tone on Aug 30, 2006 1:50:51 GMT -5
Insanity - Thank you! 2tone - Though thoroughly typoed and grammatically incorrect, your comparison is precise. My friend and I both slam eachother and I want to punch her from time to time, but at the end of the day, I'm grateful that we're friends, because I can usually go to her for help and vice versa. I just wish that I could be my own crutch when I need it. Got to love a insult followed by a complement last time i try to help.
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Post by Justhad on Aug 30, 2006 10:31:27 GMT -5
Insanity - Thank you! 2tone - Though thoroughly typoed and grammatically incorrect, your comparison is precise. My friend and I both slam eachother and I want to punch her from time to time, but at the end of the day, I'm grateful that we're friends, because I can usually go to her for help and vice versa. I just wish that I could be my own crutch when I need it. Got to love a insult followed by a complement last time i try to help. Hopefully I can get here sooner so that arguments/issues between members don't occur. I'm sorry about this. I'll lock this till I'm able to fully respond to Firecracker's question. I hope Chad does not mind (it'll be unlocked later this evening.) Sorry for the inconvienance.
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Post by Justhad on Aug 30, 2006 10:40:30 GMT -5
Firecracker, It's always hard to have friends that have similar qualities to you. Earlier this year, I became friends with someone who's now one of my best friends, and she quickly adapted qualities similar to mine as we became better friends. Some of my other friends noticed that we were a lot a like also. It can be awesome at times to have friends who are just like you, a mirror, but at times your reach for your own personal originality. I don't share the same resentment you do for my friend, but I know what it's like to compare yourself a lot to that other person. You may just feel that Christine takes away a lot of your personal originality, and that you're constantly competing with her. Honestly, I don't think you loathe yourself, I think you would just rather not be in a friendship where you're constantly competing and having to analyze yourself all the time. My best advice is to feel free to have tendancies, traits, and hobbies that she doesn't share, and maybe, compromise instead of argue. If you really want to be her friend, try not giving in to the urge to have a competition all the time. If you really don't think any of the above will happen, I'd reccommend not trying to stay friends, because it can hurt you in the long run. Maybe the resentment comes from the constant compeition, like I mentioned earlier, and you think that because of the similarities you both share, that you're the same people: but you're not. Once you look closer, you'll realize you and Christine may be very very alike, but have differentiating qualities or traits. Maybe take a break from Christine, and try not to post about her, or im her, because that only adds fuel to the fire and makes you unable to sleep at night. I hope some of this helps, feel free to reply with more information, etc, if you'd like. Let me know if there's anything else you need advice on, here or via pm.
Sincerely, Hadley
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