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Post by Justhad on Aug 13, 2005 1:13:20 GMT -5
Hello everyone! As some of you may have already heard, I'm one of the new two members of the Watcher's Council here at BtVSFigs (if you haven't heard, click here to find out what my new position is all about). As part of my new job on the forum, I'll be answering any questions that you may have in this advice-column-like thread: Ask Hadley! I'll be sort of a "go-to gal" for any problems you're having or questions you need answered about...well, anything in general! So I encourage you to ask away and allow me to help with the inner workings. You can leave a post here in the 'Ask Hadley!' board, or you can PM me (if you'd like to remain anonymous, that's not a problem) and I'll post your answers here! Looking forward to hearing from you, Hadley
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Post by BuffyFanOne on Aug 13, 2005 2:07:48 GMT -5
You'll be perfect as the forum go-to gall! I know you are always there for me on aim!
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Post by Justhad on Aug 13, 2005 16:59:11 GMT -5
Thanks to everyone for their nice comments! I've got my first "ask hadley" question, and it comes to me anonymous...
"I have two good friends who are constantly pressuring me to do things that I haven't wanted to do. We had a huge fight over it, I took some time away from it and now they've apologized but are back at it again...."
Dear Anonymous, As long as these things aren't illegal, which as you've specified they are not, then really it's just your judgement that's allowing you to make your decisions. No one should make you intimidated and not able to enjoy the things that you want to when you want to. These friends may be very obsessed with whatever they're trying to make you do and you might just need to let them cool off for awhile. If it continues to be a problem and you'd still like to be friends with them - just let them know how you feel. Honesty can be helpful in many cases!
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by alcazarzgirl on Aug 13, 2005 19:10:13 GMT -5
Congrats Hadley, your the perfect choice! and sounds like your goin to have alot of fun! I do agree Champion of Hotness should have a "column" too he is a big sweetie!
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Post by BtVSFigs Admin on Aug 13, 2005 19:18:05 GMT -5
Congrats Hadley, your the perfect choice! and sounds like your goin to have alot of fun! I do agree Champion of Hotness should have a "column" too he is a big sweetie! We're still testing out one, let's see how that goes before we bring in another. He can give any advice he wants, he doesn't have to be a moderator to do so. PS put the congrats in the New Watchers Council post. That's what it's there for. Leave this place for questions and stuff for Hadley.
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Post by CowboyGuy on Aug 13, 2005 21:42:54 GMT -5
This is too cute!
Dear Hadley,
Lately at home, I feel like nothing I do is appreciated. And I find myself slowly getting angrier and angrier. I tend to bottle things up. And it is hard for me to tell my aunt that I'm tired of feeling like nothing I do is good enough. So living with my aunt just sucks! I have to clean up after her as well as my cousins all of the time. I feel like "Cinder-fella"! At times, I feel like just giving up and moving back home to my mom's. But at the same time, I hate the thought of leaving my friends whom I love so much, behind. What's your advice?
Sincerely,
Desperate Cowboy
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Post by Justhad on Aug 13, 2005 22:25:54 GMT -5
Dear Desperate Cowboy, Your number one priority needs to be your happiness. If living with your aunt (even though it's hard at times) but still having friends makes you happy then you have your answer. But, if living with your mom and having a happier home life but taking the chance on having to make new friends is the answer, then you'll know. In the past few days I've been dealing with the reality that distance between two close people can put a strain on a relationship. It's been really hard, and sometimes it can make me want to cry (I bet you and many others have felt the same) - but in the end, I know that "love" can conquer all - or at least allow you to try to see if your feelings can handle the space inbetween. If these friendships are the kind that can last for miles, then I'd say you need to do what makes you feel happier at home, because it's the place where you go to at the end of the day. Your family is supposed to be your backbone when times get tough; they're the people you should be able to rely on at the end of the day. If you do decide to stay at your aunts, I'd suggest telling her how you feel and the ways you'd like to make the situation a little easier to deal with. You can also always rely on your friendships to make even the worst situations better. I'm sorry this is so long - but I hope it helps you out. You're too nice of a guy to not be happy.
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by Erica Kane on Aug 14, 2005 1:01:48 GMT -5
Dear Miss. Hadley,
My grandma and grandpa got divorced about a good 30 years before I was born. So of coarse it gave my moody grandma and my odd grandpa, time to pick annoying and jabber-jawed spouces. SO my grandma J married a very annoying (but very sweet) oddball named Joe, my grandpa on the other hand married a gal 20 years younger than him! Her name is Pam, she has a son (who is about 19)who I get along with very well, but the main problem is that she runs thier household with an iron fist. She tells my grandpa what to do,say and even what to eat! Anyway, my problem is that SHE wants to move to South Carolina. Now my grandpa had a heart attack about 4 years ago (he had a'lot of colgged arteries,sp?,but he has been a very healthy man all his life(just goes to show you what a little Wendy's every Friday can do to ya). Well I would hate for him to have another heart attack or die in SC cause I have no cash to get down there in case something happened. So my question is, what should I do?!?!
I wanted to go over to his house and cry my heart out (to make him and Pam feel guilty). But thats defo out of the question. So I decided to come to you, Please help me Hadley!
You're Friend, A very confused and sad little child needing guidence.
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Post by Justhad on Aug 14, 2005 1:41:44 GMT -5
Dear 'a confused' Lorelei, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather and I hope he starts doing better. I think your best idea is, that if they move to South Carolina, you need to devote more time to seeing him before he leaves. It's always best to tell someone you love them whenever you can, because in the long run it will mean a lot. To know you are loved by another, and to have a constant reminder of it, is what a lot of people look for in their lives. Spend as much time as you can with him (or that would like to) to know that you've definetly lived your time together to the fullest. He'll definetly know that you care, and that you've got a great heart to be so concerned.
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by SlayerLV on Aug 14, 2005 2:01:28 GMT -5
Dear Hadley, I've recently foung out that my friends boyfriend of 6 months wants to break up with her because she very tight. The whole Summer he's been away on vacation and they only talk on the phone, and it seems that they dont communicate very well. Anyway my friend really seems to love this guy and is excited that he's coming home on Monday. He's told me he wants to break up with her when he gets back and I have convinced him to wait to see if the spark in their relationship comes back. So here's my question What should I do? I mean should I tell my best friend that her BF is thinking of breaking up w/ her? And also I'm having a party Thursday and invited them both and another friend, so what if they do break up and will be at the party together, How should I handle it?
Sincerely, A very confused Best Friend
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Post by Justhad on Aug 14, 2005 15:45:53 GMT -5
Dear a very confused best friend, I definetly think you're in a difficult place. You're friends with both your good friend and her boyfriend and seem to know what each is thinking but not telling the other. I think you did the best thing by telling him not to do it suddenly and see how things go. Bad communication brings about the majority of relationships and distance can also hurt them. You may have to let them work things out themselves... I know that's the hardest situation to be in but if you told your friend her boyfriend wanted to break up with her and then he didn't, she may feel like he's just with her to be with her, not because he loves her. And with the party, even the most awful of exes have the ability to be civil around each other and they could wing it - if not, you may end up with only one of the two of them. I really hope the two of them that find that forgotten spark, sometimes it just takes a little while to really understand how you feel for someone.
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by gerry on Aug 14, 2005 18:28:22 GMT -5
Dear Miss Hadley, With the Sig Banners, how big is too big?
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Post by Justhad on Aug 14, 2005 20:15:36 GMT -5
Dear Gerrywj, I must start by saying your banner is an excellent size and that the design is really neat. My feelings about banners is that one normal size banner, two smaller banners together, or three scattered pics (all on the same line) with a quote or something under them is perfectably acceptable. There is no forum rule that I know of that states that your signature can only be 'insert length here' long but some can just be unneeded. I grabbed a few and critiqued: Smaller banner but a great size: Two Larger examples that are colorful and probably the normal size of banners: Another thing I've noticed is the use of two large banners. Truly in my opinion, that is just too large for a forum this big. It's taking up a lot of space that should be dedicated to the subject! So all in all, one small, medium or large banner with any writing underneath is, in my opinion, acceptable. But once it gets bigger than the ones I've listed here or contains more than one banner then it is too big. Hope that helps shed another's viewpoint on the subject, Hadley
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Post by chosen2 on Aug 15, 2005 19:16:07 GMT -5
OMG this is like Lizzie Mc Guire...remember? Hahaha ANywase yea I have a question...
Dear Hadley I just wanna know why all the sudden your a leader type person in the Watchers Council. This question is not meant to be rude, or anything like that, I was just wondering. Also, in response to some advice you gave cowboyguy "Your too nice of a person to not be happy" Being unhappy has nothing to do with being a nice person. You can be the Nicest person on Earth and still be very unhappy. I just had a conversation with a friend last night. Her boyfriend would always wonder why she was unhappy, and he just didnt understand why, But I KNew why she was unhappy. SOmtimes you dont need a reason to be unhappy. Well yea it got a little off topic, but yea Sincerely, A Wonderous Fool...
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Post by Erica Kane on Aug 15, 2005 20:06:52 GMT -5
OMG this is like Lizzie Mc Guire...remember? Hahaha ANywase yea I have a question... Dear Hadley I just wanna know why all the sudden your a leader type person in the Watchers Council. This question is not meant to be rude, or anything like that, I was just wondering. Also, in response to some advice you gave cowboyguy "Your too nice of a person to not be happy" Being unhappy has nothing to do with being a nice person. You can be the Nicest person on Earth and still be very unhappy. I just had a conversation with a friend last night. Her boyfriend would always wonder why she was unhappy, and he just didnt understand why, But I KNew why she was unhappy. SOmtimes you dont need a reason to be unhappy. Well yea it got a little off topic, but yea Sincerely, A Wonderous Fool... Im not trying to be rude or to start a fight, but I think Hadley is trying the best she can. I know sometimes it is hard to come up with advice for people who have problems. And I think she may have been saying that CowboyGuy is such a nice person that he deserves to be happy. Some people who I know are so nice but are just unhappy and I also think that they are too nice to be unhappy. Of coarse I am not sure what exactly she meant. Just posting me 2 cent thoughts. ps. and please don't take this the wrong way 'Got A Date With The Night'. I don't want to cause trouble or start a fight(I already had a bad one today with one of my best friends).
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Post by punkrawkerspike on Aug 15, 2005 20:08:53 GMT -5
I'm sure that's exactly what she meant.
Some people -are- too nice to be unhappy because, in my opinion...someone as nice as that shouldn't ever have to feel misery.
You're doing a superb job, Hadley, and I look forward to seeing more advice from you in the future!
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Post by Justhad on Aug 15, 2005 20:27:39 GMT -5
Thank you both Matt and Aaron for standing up for me. It's great to know there are people who will be there for you.
In response to 'got a date with the night's comment....
I'm not going to lie to you. I found your comment really rude. It bordered on a personal attack, because you're pretty much thinking what I'm doing I don't deserve. I was honored with this oppurtunity by the mods and it came to me by surprise, I absolutely had no idea I had been chosen. I'm very grateful for this chance to offer any sort of advice I can. And I'm not claiming to be perfect, I have those days where I need someone to run to, and I do have friends that I can turn to. What the mods have chosen me to do is to be that person for many other people and I really hope that I can live up to what they've asked me to do.
In response to what you've brought up in my response to Cowboy Guy, I offer this: I perceive CowboyGuy to be a particularly nice person and sometimes bad things happen to good people. I'm aware that even the nicest of people can be unhappy and have no reason why (I've had this happen with a friend) and you have no idea and don't have the power to make it better. The best you can do is help them through the situation and get them to a place in their life where they can come the closest to having an environment around them where they feel comfortable. I've met many people on this forum, and a lot of them strike me to be generous people with good hearts and those who love to listen to others. These people do not deserve the curveballs life throws them, but again, it happens to all of us.
So I can understand where maybe you might not think I'm cut out for this, because I may think differently then you. But in the end, we're all really out there to help ourselves and those around us that we care about. I certainly don't have all the experience that some of the other members have, but I can offer a different viewpoint and usually an optimistic way of looking at a situation. You certainly do not have to come to me for advice, and these people certainly don't have to take it: it's their decision.
But please, the last thing this board needs is negativity.
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by Reggie Kat on Aug 15, 2005 22:47:18 GMT -5
very well said, Hadley. That being said, can we move right along? RK
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Post by chosen2 on Aug 16, 2005 0:27:57 GMT -5
OMG this is like Lizzie Mc Guire...remember? Hahaha ANywase yea I have a question... Dear Hadley I just wanna know why all the sudden your a leader type person in the Watchers Council. This question is not meant to be rude, or anything like that, I was just wondering. Also, in response to some advice you gave cowboyguy "Your too nice of a person to not be happy" Being unhappy has nothing to do with being a nice person. You can be the Nicest person on Earth and still be very unhappy. I just had a conversation with a friend last night. Her boyfriend would always wonder why she was unhappy, and he just didnt understand why, But I KNew why she was unhappy. SOmtimes you dont need a reason to be unhappy. Well yea it got a little off topic, but yea Sincerely, A Wonderous Fool... Im not trying to be rude or to start a fight, but I think Hadley is trying the best she can. I know sometimes it is hard to come up with advice for people who have problems. And I think she may have been saying that CowboyGuy is such a nice person that he deserves to be happy. Some people who I know are so nice but are just unhappy and I also think that they are too nice to be unhappy. Of coarse I am not sure what exactly she meant. Just posting me 2 cent thoughts. ps. and please don't take this the wrong way 'Got A Date With The Night'. I don't want to cause trouble or start a fight(I already had a bad one today with one of my best friends). NO, No offence Taken, I get what you mean, and I respect your opinion
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Post by chosen2 on Aug 16, 2005 0:28:54 GMT -5
Thank you both Matt and Aaron for standing up for me. It's great to know there are people who will be there for you. In response to 'got a date with the night's comment.... I'm not going to lie to you. I found your comment really rude. It bordered on a personal attack, because you're pretty much thinking what I'm doing I don't deserve. I was honored with this oppurtunity by the mods and it came to me by surprise, I absolutely had no idea I had been chosen. I'm very grateful for this chance to offer any sort of advice I can. And I'm not claiming to be perfect, I have those days where I need someone to run to, and I do have friends that I can turn to. What the mods have chosen me to do is to be that person for many other people and I really hope that I can live up to what they've asked me to do. In response to what you've brought up in my response to Cowboy Guy, I offer this: I perceive CowboyGuy to be a particularly nice person and sometimes bad things happen to good people. I'm aware that even the nicest of people can be unhappy and have no reason why (I've had this happen with a friend) and you have no idea and don't have the power to make it better. The best you can do is help them through the situation and get them to a place in their life where they can come the closest to having an environment around them where they feel comfortable. I've met many people on this forum, and a lot of them strike me to be generous people with good hearts and those who love to listen to others. These people do not deserve the curveballs life throws them, but again, it happens to all of us. So I can understand where maybe you might not think I'm cut out for this, because I may think differently then you. But in the end, we're all really out there to help ourselves and those around us that we care about. I certainly don't have all the experience that some of the other members have, but I can offer a different viewpoint and usually an optimistic way of looking at a situation. You certainly do not have to come to me for advice, and these people certainly don't have to take it: it's their decision. But please, the last thing this board needs is negativity. Sincerely, Hadley Sorry if I sounded rude, how bout I delete!, forget this happened
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