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Post by punkrawkerspike on Aug 23, 2005 6:15:38 GMT -5
I gave someone advice, and if I crowded you or stepped on your toes in any way, I'm very sorry. We all look forward to you coming back.
-Matt
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Post by bloodyhell on Aug 23, 2005 7:30:54 GMT -5
Dear Hadley, This thread is called Ask Hadley, so Im going to ask you to come back to your thread and don't disappear on us .
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Post by ajmets on Aug 23, 2005 12:41:32 GMT -5
Kalel, I love that banner you made for Hadley. Hadley, c'mon girl stick up for yourself. This is your column and you are letting others take over. I'm not putting down these people and saying they're evil they are just concerned for the other board members and can't help themselves when they see someone asking for help. Put your foot down and tell them this is your deal. I'm sure everyone will bow out from this point forward. We are all excited for you and don't want to make you feel bad.
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Post by AngelAficionado on Aug 23, 2005 13:22:13 GMT -5
Hmmm, I'm really kind of torn about this, on the one hand, I think Hadley's awesome, and want this to remain her thread. She's great at solving problems and offering people advice, and it's SO easy to see why she got this job. She's an extremely smart and empathetic person, and that makes her totally suited for the "Agony Girl" position ("aunt" just sounded way too old!)
On the other hand...a little part of me thinks that...well, if someone else knows of a solution, or an answer to someone's problem, something maybe they themselves have dealt with personally, surely it's of great value for them to help answer their question?
Again, I'm really torn about this, maybe there's some kind of middle ground? Like...I don't know, if a problem goes unanswered for a specified amount of time, someone else can jump? Or something similar, like possibly they PM their suggestions on handling the problem to Hadley? Again, Had, no offence meant to you at all...I'm just wondering about what could be done to solve this and reduce any tension or animosity...
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Post by BtVSFigs Admin on Aug 23, 2005 20:21:39 GMT -5
If you guys wouldn't mind, could you let Hadley answer and then follow her response with any follow-ups? That way everyone get's to add in their say.
Thanks, Tim
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Post by slayergal on Aug 24, 2005 13:22:11 GMT -5
Dear Hadley,
My brother is seriously messed up. Let me tell you a bit about him. He is 19 *Going to be 20 this Dec. 31*, goes to community college, still lives here at home, smokes a lot, and also drinks almost every time he comes home. Now, my mother and I are used to waiting for him to get home past his "limit" *My mom says be home by 11:00, he usually is home by 1:00.* He is mean to my parents, and made my mum cry once.
But last night, he never called or anything, and came home about 3 hours late. Apparently his friend *I'll call him John* had stolen his keys while he was passed out, and was driving his car, drunk, and unlicensed. So John was arrested, and my brother's car was towed away and was impounded. he had to walk home, drunk, and ended up breaking his chin somehow while walking.
I'm telling you this because I'm afraid that he's going to hurt himself, or get himself killed. I don't really know what kind of answer I should be expecting, I'm just wondering how to handle this and what to do, but I felt that this was the place to put it. I love my brother, despite the fact that he dislikes me, and we rarely ever talk. Thanks for listening, Hadley. =)
~ Tracy
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Post by Justhad on Aug 24, 2005 17:11:21 GMT -5
I am back everyone. I really didn't appreciate everyone barging into this area and then some of the comments made to me after I showed some concern. I singled out one in paritcular because it wasn't adviced, just a posed question to the group. If anyone wants advice from everyone - please continue to post it in the lounge - and if you're unhappy with my advice, you're always welcome to ask everyone again in the lounge. I just stared school last week and it's been kind of stressful, especially with a show this week.
So, Tracy, I hope I can help.
Tracy, I can definetly see why you're concerned for your brother. I have a friend who acts the same way and continues to do so even when we tell her it's unhealthy. The best you really can do at this point is express your concern. Sit him down, tell him how you feel, but don't interrogate. I'm sorry to hear what happened to him last night, and I hope everything gets squared away with the car and your brother's friend. I wish I could give more advice than just to talk to him, but communication is really important in establishing a connection and getting through to him. Maybe what happened with his friend and to himself will help him see what is really happening to him.
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by Justhad on Aug 24, 2005 17:12:09 GMT -5
If anyone who posted before all the commotion still wants their question answered, please let me know. Thanks!
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Post by slayergal on Aug 24, 2005 17:19:33 GMT -5
So, Tracy, I hope I can help. Tracy, I can definitely see why you're concerned for your brother. I have a friend who acts the same way and continues to do so even when we tell her it's unhealthy. The best you really can do at this point is express your concern. Sit him down, tell him how you feel, but don't interrogate. I'm sorry to hear what happened to him last night, and I hope everything gets squared away with the car and your brother's friend. I wish I could give more advice than just to talk to him, but communication is really important in establishing a connection and getting through to him. Maybe what happened with his friend and to himself will help him see what is really happening to him. Sincerely, Hadley Thanks for your help, Hadley. My mum, dad, and myself have started talking to him about his "lifestyle choice", and hopefully this IS the last time he'll do something like that. I just hope he realizes that his family does care about him. Thanks once again!
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Post by BuffyLover on Aug 27, 2005 15:40:05 GMT -5
I am back everyone. I really didn't appreciate everyone barging into this area... Sorry for my post earlier, I just had some thoughts on that love question and wanted to type them out before they vanished into the cosmic oblivion of my brain. I also had a question Hadley, It seems like a lot of friends and people that I know are getting married (most of whose ages range from 20-23), is it just me or is this a tad early? What do you consider to be a good age to get hitched?
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Post by Justhad on Aug 28, 2005 20:14:21 GMT -5
Dear BuffyLover, Sorry for the late response - very busy these past few days. To me, 20-23 is a bit early, I have some friends who are 26 & 28 who are just getting married this November after dating for a few years and it seems like the perfect time for them. I could see 20-23 if they'd been dating a long time, through high school and college, but there's no way that young if they hadn't known each other that long that it could work well. You shouldn't feel pressured into getting married - everyone says you'll know when you meet the right one, but sometimes you have to fall in love a few times before you find the one that you're really meant to be with. Then, there is the random case of high school/college sweethearts marrying just out of college, etc.. and that can also work! (happened to my parents! lol)
Hope this helps a bit!
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by Shannon on Aug 28, 2005 20:35:46 GMT -5
Dear Hadley~ I am a middle child. The only boy. Most neglected. My parents barely notice me. W/e Im used to it by now. Every middle child Ive spoken tells the same tale, theyre all the same as me. My psychologist says that studies have shown this to be true. But why. I know being stuck between the first born child and the baby of the family isnt the best position, but why is it that that child always gets the short end of the stick. The parents give the eldest everything first and then learn their lesson and give it to the middle child way after the first. Everyone just loves the baby, cuz hes/shes the baby. Thats the way things are. But why is it that parents get so wrapped up in their other childrens lives that the forget and screw up the middle one? Dont really know what kind of thing you could answer with, unless u have 3 children urself and the middle on hates his or her life for being ignored and lost in the crowd by you. But, I know Im not alone and I know others think this as well. But what is ur take on it, why do parents neglect the middle child? From, Drew
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Post by Justhad on Aug 28, 2005 20:53:40 GMT -5
Dear Drew, First I must clarify - I don't have any children, let alone three. I'm 17, (18 on Sept.6th) and am far from that part of my life. Your question did allow me to think for a bit. I'm a first born, and sometimes feel like I am the one who goes through all the experiences first and learns them the hard way. Sometimes when my younger brother who's 16 and I get in fights, he gets favored because he's the youngest. I've kind of become so independant that my family always thinks I can figure things out on my own. I've been racking my brain to think of a friend who's the middle child and I haven't come up with one. I think you need to stay out of the mind set that the reason all this is happening is because you are the middle child. This can't stunt you from doing anything. You can still go to school, play sports, like Buffy, and enjoy life. A positive attitude can get you a lot of places in life, and if you're having problems with family, you should talk to someone, which you do, and I think that's a great start. Some studies have shown the middle child scenario is true, but you can always disprove it. It's all about how your way of thinking and how you go about life. Just think of the glass as half full, half empty. A positive attitude will help you see through your problems.
Just a smidgeon of advice - I know life is tough - you've just got to keep going!
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by Shannon on Aug 28, 2005 21:04:50 GMT -5
im 16 but ive tried not thinking that way but its hard not to i always call a friend wen i get mad cuz im neglected didnt know how old u were sorry if u knew a middle child, ud probbaly know but now u do ME! YEA! lol thanks for the advice Drew
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Post by Justhad on Aug 28, 2005 21:12:34 GMT -5
Drew- It's no big deal on the age thing - I really wish I could help you out more. Keep talking to people - it's much better than bottling it up. Plus, you have a whole board of people who love to listen.
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by Justhad on Sept 4, 2005 13:37:14 GMT -5
Since I haven't had a question in awhile, I ended up writing something for my xanga site and thought I'd post it here, as sort of a Carrie Bradshaw take on things...
So, I've been thinking a lot lately about, love.
why is it that we're the first species to consider it our first priority but turn it down when it's right in front of us? Nothing in life is ever easy, and why should this be any different? What's harder than watching two people so in love not be able to be together? Not many things. Whether it be families apart in a natural diaster, summer love torn away by distance, or the simple fact of closing one's heart out to avoid being hurt... love.
Life is short, so be an idealist while you still have the time. Open your heart and enjoy what it brings you. Take chances, walk the tightwire rope, because of these days, whether it be a friend, a loved one, a signifigant other, a pet, they're will be someone to catch you.
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Post by Insanity on Sept 7, 2005 23:15:31 GMT -5
I see you haven't had a question in a while so hear goes... Dear Hadley, I feel that one of my friends is leaving me out. She seems to be hiding something from the rest of us. She is really secretive(sp?) Shes always running off or being late and she won't tell anyone why? She keeps her whole life a secret, but recently a few of my friends and I feel that shes hiding something really big. I don't know what to do. She has been acting strange. If I ask her will she be affended? Or will she loose trust in me? The only thing I can think of is the idea that she must be the slayer. ... -Andrew
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Post by Justhad on Sept 13, 2005 22:23:54 GMT -5
Dear Andrew, Sometimes people are secretive for different reasons. In my experience, if you care about them a lot and feel that you need to get though to them - don't feel bad about persisting. Sometimes all anyone wants is to be heard. I think you can risk her being offended if it means you can help make her feel better or deal with something a bit easier. In the end, she'll remember that you bothered to ask and that you do care about her, whether or not it's a big or small issue.
Best of luck, and sorry for the late reply.
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by Insanity on Sept 13, 2005 23:38:35 GMT -5
Thanks Hadley. You have really help. I pretty confident now enough to talk to her. You have been a great help! Hopefully everything goes well.
Thanks again! -Andrew
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Post by gerry on Sept 24, 2005 23:23:45 GMT -5
This has happened many times: I have had many friends of the female sex. It seems we are tight, close as close can be. When suddenly they get a boyfriend. I never hear from them again. What is the reason for this?
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