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Post by Erica Kane on Aug 16, 2005 1:02:21 GMT -5
Im not trying to be rude or to start a fight, but I think Hadley is trying the best she can. I know sometimes it is hard to come up with advice for people who have problems. And I think she may have been saying that CowboyGuy is such a nice person that he deserves to be happy. Some people who I know are so nice but are just unhappy and I also think that they are too nice to be unhappy. Of coarse I am not sure what exactly she meant. Just posting me 2 cent thoughts. ps. and please don't take this the wrong way 'Got A Date With The Night'. I don't want to cause trouble or start a fight(I already had a bad one today with one of my best friends). NO, No offence Taken, I get what you mean, and I respect your opinion Good,I didn't want to make you mad or anything.So hopefully now we can all post in peace .
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Post by Bennywilde on Aug 16, 2005 7:31:22 GMT -5
hi hadley,lyn here,before i start i couldnt think of a better or nicer person to be doing a problem type page and from what i have read you are very understanding and make it very easy for us to come to you for help,so everyone ''three cheers for hadley '' well here i go with my little rant.i love my son ben more than life itself but lately he has got very agressive with me and lee and pretty much anyone in authority.ive tried all sorts and i try to tell myself he's just a mischivious boy but sometimes his bad behaviour drives me to tears.ive been thinking of taking him to the doctors because i think he may be hyperactive but im afraid they will think im saying i cant cope and report me to social services.do i sound awful because sometimes i feel so guilty.what do you think would be my best course of action. yours hopefully lyn x
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Post by gerry on Aug 16, 2005 23:27:44 GMT -5
Bennywilde, Let me put this forth before anything else. What other interactions does your kid have besides the nuclear family? If he is in school, express concern to the teachers and see what they have to say. . . considering they have seen it all. Also, an appointment with a doctor is always a good idea if you are unsure. As to reporting you to child services, do not worry about it. You are very concerned with the welfare and that means more than anything. IT IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS TO ASK FOR HELP. I say this with a BS in behavorial pysch and a parent that is a pediatrician, for whatever that means. As for the helpful advice, I leave it to Hadley. . . but for all the god's sake, doctors are there to help.
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Post by Bennywilde on Aug 17, 2005 6:31:17 GMT -5
thanks gerry,i was on a bit of a downer with his behaviour yesterday but today im felling a bit more positive.as for the doctors im still not too sure,i know they are there to help but because i had ben when i was so young i feel like im fitting into their sterotype 'young mom who cant cope and now regrets it',which i dont by the way.as for his interactions hes a very popular boy at school according to his teachers and very forward for his age.hes looking forward to going back school and ive tried to make his summer holiday as fun packed as i can.i know i sound awful and moaning but its nice to vent so thanks for listening to me rant everyone,i will leave your ears in peace now. thanks everyone you are all good friends
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Post by Justhad on Aug 17, 2005 19:06:23 GMT -5
Dear Lyn, I was going to bring up some "pyschesque" stuff in my reply too. Children go through a stage in their early years which makes them almost challenge authority. Your son could just be experiencing the typical behavior known of children his age, or it could be outside factors. He could also just be experiencing some behavior unlike him because he doesn't have the same structured environment he does when he's at school. Children go through many types of stages. (This is all what I've read/learned as I've never had children and my youngest sibling is 16 - so I'm helping where I can) My best advice is to get him back into his school routine and see if his home or outside school behavior changes. If it continues to be the same aggressive stuff, then I might suggest talking to his teachers and see if there have been any changes. If they are seeing a dramatic change also, then you may want to consider a specialist in the area. I'm hoping it's just a phase because you've never mentioned his behavior having been this dramatic before. I hope some of this has helped, I know you and Lee are doing the best with him! Please keep me posted!
Sincerely, Hadley
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Post by Erica Kane on Aug 17, 2005 19:27:14 GMT -5
Dear Lyn, I was going to bring up some "pyschesque" stuff in my reply too. Children go through a stage in their early years which makes them almost challenge authority. Your son could just be experiencing the typical behavior known of children his age, or it could be outside factors. He could also just be experiencing some behavior unlike him because he doesn't have the same structured environment he does when he's at school. Children go through many types of stages. (This is all what I've read/learned as I've never had children and my youngest sibling is 16 - so I'm helping where I can) My best advice is to get him back into his school routine and see if his home or outside school behavior changes. If it continues to be the same aggressive stuff, then I might suggest talking to his teachers and see if there have been any changes. If they are seeing a dramatic change also, then you may want to consider a specialist in the area. I'm hoping it's just a phase because you've never mentioned his behavior having been this dramatic before. I hope some of this has helped, I know you and Lee are doing the best with him! Please keep me posted! Sincerely, Hadley I had the same problem about 4 years ago. I would get angry when my dad would tell me what to do. I would also talk back tons, I think I knew that he wouldn't lay a finger on me so thats why I did it. I grew out of it after about 3 months of being rude and nasty. My dad had to sit me down and tell me what my problem was (he went through the same thing). I think you you and Lee set down the "law" like my father did then I am sure he will learn.I hope I helped a little Lyn and Lee. -Aaron
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Post by BillyBudd on Aug 21, 2005 21:33:51 GMT -5
I have some questions. I just like hearing opinions on subjects such as these...
To what extent are romantic relationships based on tangible versus intangible elements? To what extent are friendships based on tangible versus intangible elements?
Assuming you believe in the concept of love, are there different kinds of love, or is there just one love? - If you believe there is only one love, why do people seem to place such emphasis on romantic relationships? - If you believe there are different kinds of love, is romantic love the ultimate form of love? If romantic love is merely different, but equal to other forms of love, then why do people place such emphasis on romantic love?
I have lots more where that came from, but I'll hold off because these questions are focused on one area...plus they're atypical.
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Post by Slayer44 on Aug 22, 2005 9:28:32 GMT -5
Alright so I have a situation I would like some advice on. There is a girl that I have a crush on. She use to work at the same place as me. We got along well and me being a shy person she was one of the only people I really talked to there. She recently left to go off to college. Before leaving we exchanged e-mail addresses and have been e-mailing one another back and forth. Problem is I dont think she knows that I have a crush on her. Part of me wants to tell her but I am not sure if I should because I dont want it to have any effect on are friendship. Any advice on what I should or shouldn't do?
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Post by BuffyLover on Aug 22, 2005 9:32:22 GMT -5
I tend to believe in different types of love, I just think there has to be a difference between courtly love, love through friendship, etc. I think it was the Greeks who had a ranking system of different types of love. I can't recall how they ranked things but I would rank them as follows:
1 Unconditional love: Love no matter what the other does (The love a mother has for a child) 2 Friend love: Love of your friend/s (as in the strong love that Buffy, Willow, & Xander have) 3 Romantic love: This is more like passion which can easily run out whereas the other two are usually long lasting. It all depends on the relationship and could just as easily be tied with number 2.
EDIT: As to why people put such importance on Romantic love, I think that feelings of passion can seem stronger as it is a rarer feeling that often won't last. I think people take the other loves for granted until they lose it, may it be by death or some other means (even in cases where a mother loses her child in a department store).
As far as romantic relationships, I think they are based on intangible elements. Despite obvious physical attractions, I think that it's based on something deeper. You can date two people who are essentially the same in overall manner and physique, but connect deeply with one and not the other. Friendly relationships I think are based on the tangible, such as a common interest or need.
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Post by punkrawkerspike on Aug 22, 2005 15:15:58 GMT -5
Alright so I have a situation I would like some advice on. There is a girl that I have a crush on. She use to work at the same place as me. We got along well and me being a shy person she was one of the only people I really talked to there. She recently left to go off to college. Before leaving we exchanged e-mail addresses and have been e-mailing one another back and forth. Problem is I dont think she knows that I have a crush on her. Part of me wants to tell her but I am not sure if I should because I dont want it to have any effect on are friendship. Any advice on what I should or shouldn't do? I hope Hadley McHaddykins doesn't feel like I'm stepping on her toes here or anything, but I just couldn't let this one slip by without acknowledging it. This is the age old question, the one -everyone- has had trouble answering at some point. So what do I think? I think you should tell her. I used to be really shy too, and it didn't really get me anywhere. So, through trial and tribulation, I made myself more outgoing and put myself out there more. And you know what? It's fun! Not to mention easy; anybody can do it just like that, with a little confidence. But if you really like her, I'd say tell her. It's just like my favorite Hilary song goes: "Why not?...take a crazy chance?" That's the way I like to live my life. Sometimes you have to take risks and go out on a limb for the things you really want. If not, you might always wonder what could have been. And just like the song says: "If you lose a moment, you might lose a lot." So go on, tell her how you feel! You've already established friendship so you have a solid foundation; now give it a shot and tell her your true feelings...you just might be happily surprised at the outcome! ^_^ -Matt
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Post by Justhad on Aug 22, 2005 17:08:41 GMT -5
I hope Hadley McHaddykins doesn't feel like I'm stepping on her toes here or anything, but I just couldn't let this one slip by without acknowledging it. Don't worry, it just seems to keep happening. I'll work on some replies, but it seems like everyone keeps answering them!
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Post by gerry on Aug 22, 2005 20:42:34 GMT -5
Alright so I have a situation I would like some advice on. There is a girl that I have a crush on. She use to work at the same place as me. We got along well and me being a shy person she was one of the only people I really talked to there. She recently left to go off to college. Before leaving we exchanged e-mail addresses and have been e-mailing one another back and forth. Problem is I dont think she knows that I have a crush on her. Part of me wants to tell her but I am not sure if I should because I dont want it to have any effect on are friendship. Any advice on what I should or shouldn't do? This is something that I caught on a little too late to useful for myself, but women drop hints like a fat prostitute drops self esteem. In talking it is hard for a man to decipher, but email it is quite easy. Look for things that imply intimate knowledge (not sexual, intimate like personal). Think about the questions that are asked. If they seem like they are more oriented towards you, yourself rather than "what is going on, " there is interest there. She is looking at you as a probable mate. THE BIGGEST THING: If she is really curious about your love life , but vague about hers. . .she is interested in you. If you have never dated and she goes into detail about who she is dating, your are considered a friend. Of course these are all things that you can look at to see her interest in you. If you want to tell her, and wondering if you should, I leave that in the capable hands of The Beautiful Brunnette. But if you are curious about if she feels the same way without you suggesting it, go through your save or deleted mail folder and start combing for hints that she has sent you.
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Post by gerry on Aug 22, 2005 20:55:53 GMT -5
EDIT: As to why people put such importance on Romantic love, I think that feelings of passion can seem stronger as it is a rarer feeling that often won't last. I think people take the other loves for granted until they lose it, may it be by death or some other means (even in cases where a mother loses her child in a department store). As far as romantic relationships, I think they are based on intangible elements. Despite obvious physical attractions, I think that it's based on something deeper. You can date two people who are essentially the same in overall manner and physique, but connect deeply with one and not the other. Friendly relationships I think are based on the tangible, such as a common interest or need. I would say considering people are animals, that any emotion can be better understood if you look at wild animals. Looking at animal behavior, it is easier to detach from it and see it for what it is. My guess would be to compare humans to wild dogs. Why dogs (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/09/25/tech/main575107.shtml) Dogs are very close genetically without the distortion of behavior that rational intellegence causes. I think dog behaviors more than anything can give us clarity in what emotions provide us in our nature as animals.
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Post by gerry on Aug 22, 2005 21:16:04 GMT -5
Okay, okay. . .My turn
I have lots of female friends that for a period of time were attached at the hip to me. My phone would ring it would be them, a ton of emails (considering emails don't weigh anything, that is a lot) and they would be from them. Anyway they would be as close as close could be. Then like a dime it would stop. We would be like two kids that grew up together but one ended up in the drama club and one in sports. If we saw each other, we would hug and promise to call, but nothing would happen. All the phone calls stopped, and email inboxes dried up faster than an ice cream stand in Death Valley. It all seemed to tie directly into a new man into their life. Now this has happened too many times to be explained by any other event. Now what is the reason for the sudden expulsion?
One reason that was explained to me by a friend that didn't was that it was to prevent jealousy. Okay, I'm cute. . .but I am cute like a three hundred pound pig rolling in mud is cute. . .not something that you want in your bed. So what is the real deal? As a sweet girl (which most these girls are), what makes you lose contact with male friends when a new boy comes into the fold.
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Post by BillyBudd on Aug 22, 2005 21:21:16 GMT -5
I would say considering people are animals, that any emotion can be better understood if you look at wild animals. Looking at animal behavior, it is easier to detach from it and see it for what it is. My guess would be to compare humans to wild dogs. Why dogs (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/09/25/tech/main575107.shtml) Dogs are very close genetically without the distortion of behavior that rational intellegence causes. I think dog behaviors more than anything can give us clarity in what emotions provide us in our nature as animals. Yeah...I think a lot of it is just biology. From a biological perspective, life has 2 goals...survival and reproduction. We all have internal biological drives influencing our behavior. And there is also a high degree of randomness. There are an infinite number of paths my life could take from this moment...and this moment...and this moment...and this moment. Who knows where I'll go or who I'll meet. A lot of people want to believe that relationships are "meant to be" though...because they want to feel that the future is a safe place. They want to feel in control. But life is unpredictable. Anyone ever hear this quote? If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.
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Post by BillyBudd on Aug 22, 2005 21:28:20 GMT -5
Okay, okay. . .My turn I have lots of female friends that for a period of time were attached at the hip to me. My phone would ring it would be them, a ton of emails (considering emails don't weigh anything, that is a lot) and they would be from them. Anyway they would be as close as close could be. Then like a dime it would stop. We would be like two kids that grew up together but one ended up in the drama club and one in sports. If we saw each other, we would hug and promise to call, but nothing would happen. All the phone calls stopped, and email inboxes dried up faster than an ice cream stand in Death Valley. It all seemed to tie directly into a new man into their life. Now this has happened too many times to be explained by any other event. Now what is the reason for the sudden expulsion? One reason that was explained to me by a friend that didn't was that it was to prevent jealousy. Okay, I'm cute. . .but I am cute like a three hundred pound pig rolling in mud is cute. . .not something that you want in your bed. So what is the real deal? As a sweet girl (which most these girls are), what makes you lose contact with male friends when a new boy comes into the fold. That's simple...these girls' boyfriends are more important to them than you are. These girls probably try to dispute that fact, but they're feeding you a line of BS.
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Post by Justhad on Aug 22, 2005 22:53:32 GMT -5
Since this has quickly become the "Ask Billy Budd" thread... I'm bowing out for awhile.
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Post by gerry on Aug 22, 2005 23:01:53 GMT -5
My sweetest, But I want your opinion!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I promise with sugar sprinkles and a cherry on top that I will never ever EVER butt in again if you continue with this.
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Post by Erica Kane on Aug 22, 2005 23:04:39 GMT -5
Since this has quickly become the "Ask Billy Budd" thread... I'm bowing out for awhile. Hadley please. I think you are doing great, I think some people just need to step out and let you do you're collum. Please don't quite Hadley, you were so excited to become a mod and have you're own collum and I think despite what has happened on this thread that you should continue.
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Post by BillyBudd on Aug 22, 2005 23:32:32 GMT -5
Justhad, I'm not sure why you're singling me out. I replied to one person's question...as other people had already done. If you don't want people to step in and reply to questions, my suggestion would be to make a thread in which only you can post and just take PMs.
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